Elul Tools ~ 18 Elul 5781

  Elul Tools 

Building a Strong Foundation 

for the Days of Awe

Shofar Blast 

(press the arrow below)

Today's Elul Chai-Ku:

Can amends be made

for our fouling the cosmic nest?

Tzedakah. Give love.

18 Elul - Repairing the "Un-Repairable?"

The word for sin in Hebrew is Chet. However, there is no true equivalent in meaning. In Hebrew, the word Chet refers to archery and means “missing the mark.” It’s not so much about being bad or evil, but more about being distracted or pulled off task.

In Judaism there are essentially three types of sins: sinning against another person, sinning against ourselves, and sinning against God. When we hurt others or ourselves, we can make amends directly. However, sins against God are trickier. Such transgressions include violations of ritual law (i.e. not observing Shabbat), sins of unconsciousness or omission (i.e. not showing gratitude for our lives and all that we have, looking the other way when a stranger needs help), and behaviors that disrupt the larger environments in which we live (i.e. consuming more of the earth’s resources than we actually need).

How do we even begin to deal with making amends

for such things? Yes we engaged in Leshon Hara (evil speech and gossip) throughout the past year, but we can’t possibly unsay all the hurtful things that spilled from our lips. Of course we used more water, petroleum, paper, food, plastic than we needed, but how do we make amends for that? Sure, we can vow to do better, but that doesn't fix what is done.

How do we repair what has already been seemingly irreparably destroyed, irretrievably consumed? Yes we ignored people in need, larger issues that needed our attention. But realistically there is only so much we can do in a day! No, we did not thank God regularly for our lives, for the Earth, for access to information, for transportation, for heat in our homes, for running water, for abundant food supplies, for books...Not only did we not give thanks as often as we should have, we probably kvetched about a lot. How are we to atone for all the things we mindlessly consumed, unconsciously disrupted, conveniently avoided? What is the process for making amends with God?

Jewish tradition responds to this question with Tzedakah, the Hebrew word for justice, but usually understood as acts of charity and kindness. During Elul it is traditional to give something back. For some this could be a monetary donation to a meaningful cause. For others, it could be selfless acts of love and kindness (i.e. visiting the sick or elderly, volunteering in your community). Some give back by performing tangible acts of Tikkun Olam (repairing the world) such as taking additional care of the environment, standing up for the marginalized and oppressed.

This tzedakah we give in preparation for the Days of Awe should be generous and beyond our comfort zone. It is not enough to do and give at at our usual level. Our work is to make amends to God by fixing some small piece of the world that would have otherwise been left unattended. Recall the image of the scale. In order to balance the thousands of transgressions against God we committed throughout the year, we offer a gift. This calibrates our annual scale, brings things into alignment. Perhaps we might even tip the balance ever so slightly in the positive, toward righteousness. It may be easier to to conceptualize in karmic terms. We accrued lots of bad karma in the past year through our selfishness and disregard. In order to bring the karmic energy into harmony, we should go out of our way to be mensches during Elul and the Days of Awe. Maybe even longer?

Today’s Elul Tool:  Make amends to God, to the universe, by giving some form of tzedakah. Decide if you want to give money or time. Remember to stretch as far as you can. It’s okay if it’s uncomfortable. If you are making a donation, think about giving more than you normally would by forgoing something else. If you are giving your time and energy, you may need to give up some other activity or event to do it. It’s time to give back. If it feels overwhelming and frustrating to add “one more thing,” remember all that we are given everyday without even thinking about it. Give generously and liberally!

Psalm 27

It is customary to read Psalm 27 twice daily during Elul.

Here is an online version of Psalm 27 for easy access. 

For Families and Kids!

Junior Tool Box:

Discuss the three types of sin in Judaism. Frame this as three ways we can miss the mark (hurting others, hurting ourselves, hurting God). Help your children understand what kinds of things hurt God, hurt the world.

Discuss the concept of Jewish sin meaning that we miss the mark. The High Holidays helps us remember how we have missed the mark in the past year.

Make an Elul tzedakah box. Collect money (change, loose coins, even occasional bills) during Elul and decide where you want to give your tzedakah. Talk about how this is a gift for God to show we are sorry for our mistakes.

Listen to the tzedakah songs in the audiofile below:

Elul Tools ~ 17 Elul 5781

 

Elul Tools 

Building a Strong Foundation 

for the Days of Awe

Shofar Blast 

(press the arrow below)

Today's Elul Chai-Ku:

I know I was wrong.
I caused you pain. I'm so sorry.
Will you forgive me?

.

17 Elul—Mending Fences

On Yom Kippur, we stand before God. Along with our entire Jewish community we ask to be forgiven for our transgressions over the past year. However, according to Jewish tradition, our misdeeds cannot be forgiven unless we genuinely feel remorse and make authentic efforts to repair the damage. Fixing our mistakes in the world also repairs our souls, indeed the world as a whole. 

This is the process of Teshuvah. Returning to ourselves.  Returning to God. What we do now, during Elul and the Days of Awe, will demonstrate our sincerity for improving our lives, becoming better versions of ourselves. Isn’t this in essence the renewal and return we are seeking? Striving for the “Finest Me I can Be?”

The image of God during the Days of Awe is that of Judge. We refer to God as Avinu Malkenu, Our father, Our King. We confess our sins as a community with God listening intently. Depending on the sincerity of our prayers and the quality of our Teshuvah (process of repair and return), we will be inscribed for another year in the Book of Life.

Some are put off by these images. Keep in mind that these ideas and images of God can serve as powerful metaphors to inspire and propel us. Of course we all want to be inscribed in the Book of Life. But what does that actually mean to us? Perhaps it means we want to stay as close as possible to our authentic selves in the year to come. Maybe the idea of not straying as far off the path works for others. If the language and metaphor of “being forgiven by God and inscribed in the Book” is uncomfortable for you, think of it more as wiping your slate clean. In order to start this year with zero baggage, you have to assess shortcomings and mistakes and then fix them. This wipes the board, neutralizes the transgressions, balances the scales, gets the train back on track. Whatever metaphor of Teshuvah works for you, go with it. 

Today’s Elul Tool: Yesterday’s task was to write a list of people whom you have hurt. Look at your list and start mending fences.  Reach out to at least one person today and take responsibility for your mistakes. If you’re in the mood to keep the repair process going, do it. But for today make amends to at least one person. As difficult as it is, try to cover the following:  admit you were wrong, apologize for the offense, acknowledge that your behavior caused pain, vow to make whatever adjustments necessary to not inflict the same pain again. Do not explain or rationalize why you made the offense. Come from a place of complete responsibility, even if you feel this person owes you an apology as well!

Psalm 27

It is customary to read Psalm 27 twice daily during Elul.

Here is an online version of Psalm 27 for easy access. 

For Families and Kids!

Junior Tool Box: Our children do not carry as much baggage as we do. They have not accumulated much in the way of defense mechanisms. As such, the process of making amends often comes quite easily for them, especially very young children. Using the metaphor of “mending fences” discuss the amends making process with your children. Impart the idea that it’s a good habit to fix things when they are broken. Children will be able to relate to the simplicity of repair and cleaning up as it relates to relationships as well. It’s just something that we do!

For younger children, the book Today is the Birthday of the World (by Linda Keller) is perfect for indirectly introducing the concept of Teshuvah. In the book, God’s primary concern for the past year is that we all (animals included) work toward becoming the “Finest Me I can Be.”

For older children The Hardest Word (by Jacqueline Jules) is a great book about making amends. The author stresses that while the process of apologizing and mending relationships is difficult, it is very important.

Below are some links to Rosh Hashanah YOUTUBE music videos. The videos are take-offs from pop music songs. They are upbeat and have inspiring images. They are great for creating excitement about the Jewish New Year coming! Remind your children that the new year is less than two weeks away. Preview the videos first to make sure they are appropriate for your children. Sometimes we learn best through performance art!

Dip Your Apple

Rosh Hashanah Rock Anthem

Get Clarity

What Makes Rosh Hashanah Beautiful

I Gotta Love You Rosh Hashanah

Teach your children to say and to write “Shanah Tovah” in Hebrew. This is the traditional greeting for Rosh Hashanah, meaning "Happy New Year." The Hebrew is below and reads right to left.

The Junior Tool Box activities from yesterday (Elul Day 17) are meaty enough to extend through this week as well. Revisit if you feel your children are in the Elul activity frame of mind!

Elul Tools ~ 16 Elul 5781

 Elul Tools 

Building a Strong Foundation 

for the Days of Awe

Shofar Blast 

(press the arrow below)

Today's Elul Chai-Ku:

Repairing the rift...
better than no rift at all.
We are closer now.

16 Elul—Clean Up Time!

Teshuvah is more than just an introspective review of the past year. While this is a critical component for getting ourselves back on track, we must ALSO work to tidy up messes made along the way. Judaism emphasizes deed over creed. What we think, or think about, pales in comparison to our actions in the world. So now that we have carefully considered our conduct over the past year, we move toward rectifying mistakes.

In our relationships with people, this means directly acknowledging our errors to hurt parties, expressing our remorse, and asking for forgiveness. This is not an easy process. Of course it’s much easier to mull things over privately and sweep them into a far away corner of our mind. But our Sages ask us to do more. This DOING is what will begin to tip that scale of our deeds back to middle, and hopefully beyond.

Reb Zalman, in referring to Hasidic teaching explains:

 “God is more angry that we don’t take advantage of Teshuvah than over the sin itself. There is such a wonderful way to turn back and to make amends and clear things up. The fact that we leave that and don’t pick it up is a worse sin than the sin itself.” 

Perhaps we could say that we actually reach a more elevated place when we mess up and then fix it, than if we never messed up in the first place. Why?Because we have grown and learned more by throwing ourselves head first into the messiness of life. All of us are in a constant state of growing and becoming better people, whether we are 5 or 105. There is no magical age where we have perfected the art of being human. It’s ongoing trial and error. Additionally, the repair process creates and strengthens trust and intimacy. The key, as Reb Zalman points out, is to do the necessary repair when we fail. The sin is not the mistake, but failing to correct it.

Today’s Elul Tool:  Recall the folks you considered during our vigorous Chesbon Hanefesh (Jewish soul search) over the past two weeks. This includes close family and friends as well as extended family and acquaintances. Are there any major rifts that need healing? Are there day after day emotional injuries that need attention? For today, simply make a list of the people with whom repair is necessary. This includes minor aggravations to major blow-outs. Just a list. However this should be an actual list, not a mental exercise. You’ve done the reflecting, now start taking action. Put pen to paper and make a list.

Psalm 27

It is customary to read Psalm 27 twice daily during Elul.

Here is an online version of Psalm 27 for easy access. 

For Families and Kids!

Junior Tool Box: The High Holidays give families the opportunity to talk about taking responsibility for our actions. When we make mistakes or hurt others, we should work quickly to repair the damages. If we “forgot” or “overlooked” some of these errors over the past year, we have a the month of Elul to do a big “clean up.” Just like there are clean up days for parks and beaches, people need big clean up events to pick up the straggling pieces of emotional garbage we may have left behind.

Sometimes it’s difficult for kids to recall things they are sorry for in the past when simply asked. Again, that’s why Elul is so nice in that it gives us time to think things over. Create a family “I’m Sorry Banner” and post somewhere prominent in your home. As things come up, write them on the banner. It’s a nice visual to see during Elul. It keeps the momentum of Teshuvah going!

Have an “apology” meeting in the family. Everyone take turns apologizing for things they have done in the past year that hurt other people in the family. It’s great to have parents role model by saying what they are sorry for. It shows children that grown ups make mistakes too and it’s a normal/healthy exercise to take responsibility. For example, “I’m sorry I get impatient when we are late. I will try to be more calm this year when we are behind schedule.”

Based on the apologies above, make a list of individual and family goals for improved behavior in the year ahead. Post somewhere in your home for regular reminders during the year.

Very young children really don’t have much to apologize for. Instead focus on goals and areas for growth and added family responsibility in the new year. For example, “This year we’ll work on you putting your clothes in the hamper all by yourself.” Make a list and post in your home.

A great book for older children on the subject of Teshuvah is Gershon’s Monsters by Eric Kimmel. It discusses the importance of not only reflecting on our errors but also experiencing remorse, seeking forgiveness, and making repairs. Gershon's Monsters also emphasizes that ignoring the repair process is counter-productive and ultimately creates problems in our lives.

Listen to, learn, and then sing “Let's Be Friends” (audiolink below).